Review: Family

review by Jack from The Short Story Collective web site

"Family" is a story about a dysfunctional family where the father figure is stuck in the middle. The mother is 'missing in action', the daughter is pregnant, the brother is a drunk who has the best of both worlds, and the father has to deal/watch this all happen.

The story had some repetitive words and there were some punctuation errors, but the worst was the constant change of point of view. I had (still don't) no idea who was telling this story. The father? Daughter? Mother? Who? But this didn't bother me much because the story was TOO good to pick at with a microscope and tweezers.

Therefore I bestow "the pranksta" with the prestigious Quill award for excellence in this story.The writing was smooth, the imagery was beautiful and crystal clear, the idea was smart and it was an all-around damned good story!

Congratulations!

Other reader comments:

"Excellent and heartfelt story...if I was to review it, it would get a quill. A great job on characters and surroundings, I felt like I was there" - Janice

"Family was very nicely done. The writer had a different voice, it really is a good story, very warm" - Regina Phelps

"GREAT story. I liked how the author showed the diff viewpoints of the major characters. One suggestion however would be to change a lot of the story to either first or third person narrative (preferably a combo of both). The "you"s were a little disconcerting and confusing" - Simon Butler

"Interesting perspectives and warm and tender story. Beautifully constructed" - Mohan Kumar

"...a very believable and well constructed story. I look forward to reading more of your work. One word of criticism (and I say this knowing you have a quill now - congrats)...tooooo lllloooooonnnnngggggg" - Mick


Feedback welcomed: david@lovetown.net

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